Fred Howland learns to pick up women

Fred Howland learns to pick up women
pick up women
Image by Mike Burns
More of Fred undressing. Uh, yeah.

There was some melancholy after the divorce, to be sure, but I have to be honest here: I did want to hook up with all the women out there. Are you thinking about it a lot after divorce like I was? If so, you’re not alone.

If you really must know, 99% of guys just don’t understand how to pick up women because the stuff out there is just bad information. Well, it’s not like you can go to your local university and take a 100 course on picking up on women or something.

So, the first key to understand how to pick up women is that you actually have to make an effort to develop–a skill through practice. Men believe that there are guys out there that are “naturally” gifted in the arts of pick up.

Nothing could be farther than the truth: so, good for us!

It is a skill set that can only become more powerful if you see what works and what doesn’t, over time. Look, I’ve approach over 2,000 women over the last 6 years, whether on the streets, in clubs/bars, coffee houses of Paris, New York, Berlin, Spain, Miami, Seattle, Prague, Budapest, Amsterdam, or LA,   and I’m telling you right now, I know what works and what doesn’t.

I am not necessarily saying you have to do that: who wants to go through all that.  So, here are three central tips that will teach you how to pick up women.

First: Go Where the Women Are

While this sounds obvious at first glance, it actually isn’t. When it comes to learning how to pick up women, most guys make the mistake of trying to approach women where the competition is really fierce: like clubs and bars.

Women get hit on a lot from drunk guys or “lovable losers.”  While there are more women to approach, it is more difficult to pick them up because of the competition.

While bars and clubs are great places to practice your conversation skills and getting over the fear of approach, it should not take more than twenty percent of the total amount of time you spend picking up girls.

The key to learning how to pick up women is to approach women at unsuspecting places: grocery stores, parks, coffee houses, bookstores, libraries etc…you’ll find that there’s a lot less competition and therefore women don’t have their “he’s hitting on me radar” on high security mode.

Most men don’t even know this gem of a secret, but “speed dating” has been one of the biggest boons for me in my post-divorced life! I would argue most men just don’t know about this over looked gem.

These women are there to meet men. Just be cool, be well dressed, and don’ act “creepy,” and you will get  a great deal of dates.

For best results, go to different speed dating events in different areas and different companies (do a google search).

After going a few times, you may notice the same women going there repeatedly as well. They may seem a bit world-weary and negative.  If they accuse you of going to these events “just to get laid,” answer them by saying, “what’s your excuse you dork! You are such a dork. I know what you have on your mind. I need to keep my eyes on you. Haha.

Don’t be surprised if she picks you at the end of the night: it’s happened to me quite a few times . . .hehe!

Never make apologies about what you want as a man–ever!

Second: Build Trust First

Rapport which comes from trust and comfort is one of the biggest unknown secrets to leaning  how to pick up women. But, how do you do this when it’s clear that you’re approaching her for the reasons of hitting on them? Simplicity at its best: hit on the woman after you’ve built some trust.

For example, if a woman you are attracted to is sitting in a bookstore of coffee house reading a book, sit in a chair next to her. Pretend to go to the restroom after a few minutes and ask her to watch your stuff.

See, this will communicate a subtle message that you trust her, and when you extend trust to a person, it’s human nature to give it back: it’s a concept in anthropology call reciprocity. Following that, you’ve just broken the ice and can now move forward with her.

What would be even better is to throw in a little tease when you return. Something like this: “Wow, your good at protecting my property. You’re really good. I am going to hire you as my personal security guard, but I can only pay you with Hershey’s Kisses.  After the tease, it ought to be a lot easier to continue the “chat,” and then you move to the last step . . .

Third: Use the “Time Limit Close”

Following the start of the conversation with her and moving toward trust and comfort, pretend to get a text message and that you have to leave. This kind of natural “interruption” will create an opportunity for you to say this: “I need to go, but I’d like to continue this conversation, have you ever been to the xyz sushi place on 2nd Street?

Ask her out for a date of course and get her number. The purpose of the time limit close is that since the conversation was interrupted, you’ll still be leaving her with the sense that you’re not needy, that you have a life and that you and her still have something to talk about.

Employ these practices and practice all the time to get this down well. The first couples of times, like all things in life, are a bit hard. But after a couple of times, you’ll be comfortable and as other men see you in action, will be asking for your advice on how to pick up women.

For more information on how to attract ladies and to receive a free report called, ” How To Flirt With Women And Have Them Love You For It!” and more information, go to

Viktor Kurgan is a dating expert specializing in pick up, dating, and relationships. He has worked with the now infamous The Mystery Method as an approach coach. He is currently working for Sinns of Attraction. His specialty is online dating and dating for men after 40.

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Originally posted 2011-07-26 12:18:34.


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