Hey, this is Dean Cortez and I want to give some quick tips from my buddy Bobby Rio, who is the creator of an incredible new program called Make Small Talk Sexy. Bobby was explaining to me are the top five ways men murder their conversations with women before they ever even have a chance to create attraction.
Let’s face it: if you’re going to make a girl feel attracted to you, you need to be able to TALK.
You can learn a bunch of “seduction tricks” or “secret attraction building techniques,” but if you can’t carry a conversation, you won’t get anywhere. Being a good conversationalist is critical to your success with women. So right now, let’s concentrate on some of the specific ways you’re screwing up your conversations with women (probably without realizing it).
Mistake #1: Breaking the 90/10 Rule When Starting a Conversation
Have you ever noticed that most conversations don’t pick up steam until about 5-10 minutes in?
This is because when you start talking to someone new, they’re going to be just as cold inside their heads as you were before you psyche yourself up – making yourself ready to start that conversation.
A conversation needs time to build “conversation momentum.”
The problem most guys face is that don’t ever give their conversations a chance to build that “momentum.”
Most guys expect to hit this “conversation flow” too quickly. And because of this the opposite effect happens… and their conversations just “stall out.”
Well you have to carry the conversation. Be prepared, in the first five or so minutes, to carry the conversation by providing 90, or even sometimes 100, percent of all the content until they get warmed up a little bit.
How do you do that?
Seriously. This rule is very simple: Just keep talking.
By taking control of the conversation right from the beginning, you allow her time to “warm up” and shift her brain from “receive mode” rather than “give mode.”
In future lessons I’m going to show you exactly what tools you need to be able to do this… but for now, just know you HAVE be prepared to talk 90% of the time for the first 5-10 minutes of your conversations…
Mistake #2: Not Recognizing the Signals a Woman is Giving Them
You have to recognize the signals that women are giving to you so you know whether you have got the right kind of emotional intensity – the right energy – and whether the topics you are talking about are actually even appropriate for this point in the conversation.
How do you do that?
Well, you use your senses. Your eyes and your ears are your best friends. You have got to watch people’s reactions and learn to be able to read them.
You have a good sense of when you are boring her, when she is excited and how she is reacting to you. You just have to make sure you pay attention.
The rule of thumb is when you first start a conversation with someone or with a group of people you want to have a little bit more energy than that group had before you came in.
If you get to recognize where she is at in terms of her energy level, her enthusiasm, her excitement, how her neurology is wired up and lit up, and you can pitch your own energy level to be just slightly above that, you will be sure to be a success wherever you go because you will not be too much and you will not be too little.
Mistake #3: Not Assuming Rapport Right From the Beginning
I remember how in the old days, I could never understand why it took so long for me to develop rapport with women (while my friends seem to jump right into it…)
And then it suddenly dawned on me…
I was waiting for rapport to happen naturally, while they were ASSUMING it.
When you’re talking to a woman, even if it’s your first time talking to her… talk to her in the same laid back way you would talk to an old friend.
Most guys do the complete opposite…they talk to a woman in a “stiff, formal” way reserved for strangers…
And this just makes it more apparent that you are a STRANGER. And this puts her guard up. And this creates that uncomfortable “awkwardness” that is devastating to a conversation.
By jumping right into rapport you create a more natural feeling conversation and give her the feeling of “knowing you forever.”
Mistake #4: Going into “Interview Mode”
I know you’ve experienced it: you’re talking to a woman, and feeling like you’re on a job interview.
This when you’re in the dreaded “interview mode.”
This happens when you don’t know what to talk about so to keep the conversation going you ask questions like:
What do you do for a living?
What do you do for fun?
Where did you grow up?
What kind of music do you like?
It’s not the questions themselves that kill you… the rapid firing of question after question… and the steady stream of fact based answers that destroy any sort of “chemistry.”
A conversation is supposed to fun vibing back and forth… it’s not supposed to feel like a job interview.
Mistake #5: Letting her “Lead” the Conversation
Most guys are so unsure of themselves when talking to a woman that they look for the woman to give them “approval” or “permission” before they take any lead in the conversation.
And this is DEAD wrong.
The minute a woman realizes you’re looking to her to lead the conversation… her attraction instantly disappears.
Most guys let the woman lead the conversation because they are scared of “pissing her off” or choosing the wrong topic…
But here’s the thing…
Women will follow whatever tone you set for the conversation. If you set a fun, flirty vibe… she will follow.
And even if she isn’t interested in the topic you’ve chose to discuss…she’ll still respect you a lot more for taking the initiative.
The Biggest Mistake:
Do you want to know what the BIGGEST mistake men make in regards to their conversations with women?
Not getting help.
Would you believe that 10 years ago it was nearly impossible to find this sort of information on improving your conversations with women? This meant that guys were forced to either struggle forever, or figure it out on their own.
However, you have no excuse, as there IS help available. Help that can change your “game” almost overnight.
Even though it has been close to five years since I last struggled with this… I still know the pain you feel… I had felt it for more than two thirds of my life. And I don’t wish that pain on anyone.
Now, I know that anytime, anywhere I can go out and talk to women and create attraction.
This is what motivated my friend Bobby Rio to create a program about this. He asked 5 of the guys he knew, who were AWESOME at talking to women, to help him put together a program to help guys master the “conversation game.”
Make Small Talk Sexy is jam packed with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for creating the right mindset for talking to a woman, getting “in the zone”, making her laugh, creating rapport, keeping a conversation flowing naturally, overcoming “shit tests,” dealing with guys who might be overshadowing you, and most importantly, creating attraction as you talk to her…
This is arguably the most comprehensive “conversation training” you will ever receive. There is no way you can listen to this program and not come away with at least a dozen tips that will change the way you communicate with women …nearly immediately.
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Originally posted 2013-05-05 10:06:20.