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How to Get Women to Pick You Up: The Ultimate Guide!
Countless books and articles have been penned about how to pick up women. While most of these guides are quite useful and (at least in theory), will assure you success, the fact is: not every guy is suited to ask women out.
For instance, what if you have a fear of rejection that’s so powerful and emotionally crippling, it outweighs your courage to approach women—and you wind up not dating even though you’d like to?
If that’s the case, then it’s time to consider an alternative option in which you can attract women while completely eliminating the possibility of rejection! Odds are you’ve never read a guide that truly prepares you how to accomplish this—until now.
This manual doesn’t offer counsel on how to develop relationships. But it will teach you how to put yourself in a position to be approached and asked out by women. The direction in which you proceed from that point on is entirely up to you.
Right now you may be wondering: Even though I dread rejection, shouldn’t we men be daring enough to ask women out nevertheless?
The answer is, not necessarily. Some guy’s just don’t have the proverbial gift of gab. Others may feel self-conscious because they don’t think they’re good looking. And many men are good looking but they just aren’t aware of it.
Or they might be intelligent, funny, and articulate, and handsome as a Greek god, but are just plain shy. Maybe they’re still smarting from months or years of being rebuffed by women, despite their best efforts. Additionally, some men lack confidence because they’re not educated or financially successful.
So, how can you overcome these real or alleged handicaps without risking rejection?
By getting women to pick you up, of course!
If you are between the ages of eighteen and one-hundred, say goodbye to groveling like an indentured servant for a date and stammering out threadbare pick-up lines, only to have women glare at you like you’re Quasimodo, before they turn away in disgust. By not making the first move—or even the second move, your days of being snubbed by gals are over!
Paying attention? Okay then—let’s get down to brass tacks. Grab a pencil and paper and make an honest assessment of yourself. List only your positive attributes. Overlook the negatives, especially ones you cannot change or modify.
For example, are you an underweight stickman with less muscle tone than Gumby? Are you bald? Is your body shaped like an overripe watermelon? Do you have a low-skill, dead end-job—or no job at all? Are you still living in mommy’s basement? Is your vocabulary less than stellar? Or are you intellectually gifted to the point where it scares off women?
None of it matters. All of those self-defeating excuses which have held you back are, as of now, no longer an issue. You’ll still get attractive and successful women to pick you up! How, you ask? Four simple points:
(1) Understanding how women think and feel!
(2) Recognizing the concept and value of your compensatory strengths!
(3) Improving what you can about yourself by turning your liabilities into assets!
(4) Putting yourself in environments where quality women congregate
Once you’ve finished writing your asset list, you will introduce yourself—to you. According to the majority of women, you’ve got plenty to offer. After all, you’re a living, breathing man with persona! And that alone can make you a potential chick-magnet to a variety of ladies, if you’re willing to learn what makes them tick, while tweaking your own self-image.
Remember, every flaw you have comes with a built-in silver lining. Since you needn’t worry about characteristics you can’t change, you’ll now focus your efforts on what you can adjust. First, some common questions and answers about your appearance and other concerns such as:
(1) What if my hair is gray or I’m balding?
If you’re completely bald, leave it that way and move on. Hair does not make the man. If you’re thinning on top, do not succumb to the temptation of shaving it all off. There’s no advantage in looking like a newly recruited skinhead. When it comes to hair loss, allow nature to take its course.
Important note: Whether you have a full head of hair or just a few strands, always keep it neat and short. An ordinary barber will do, because unless you’re running for Senate or strutting down the catwalk, fancy hair salons are a big waste of time and money.
If your hair is graying, don’t tamper with it. Never dye your hair or wear a toupee. That won’t fool anyone and women will sense a false vanity.
(2) Is it true what they say about fingernails?
This may seem petty, but many men make the crucial mistake of overlooking their nails. Don’t be one of them. Your hand will probably be the first part of your body to touch a woman. And she will factor in the cleanliness of your fingernails! You don’t want your dirty or unclipped nails to be the deal-breaker.
(3) How important is the condition of my teeth?
Although women (as a rule) are not nearly as visually oriented as men are, they do tend to compartmentalize men’s features—one of the most important being teeth. If the old saying, “The eyes are the windows of the soul” is true, it can also be said, “The teeth are the gate-keepers of the soul”.
While you may not be able to do much about your eyeballs, you can get your teeth fixed. So, if you need cosmetic dental work, make that priority one. Do not delay.
Dentists are expensive—having dental insurance is handy, but if you’ve got none, take out a bank loan or sell anything you own that’s not nailed down; even your car if need be. Having bright, healthy teeth is that paramount!
(4) Should I keep the beard and mustache?
Play it smart—get rid of facial hair so that women can see more of you. Hiding your face beneath a thatch of bristle will not improve your looks. Understand that most ladies perceive you as much better looking than you think you are. Therefore, staying clean-shaven is always the better option.
(5) How can I dress to impress?
Dress neatly and keep it basic. But don’t under-dress. Just because everybody else walks around in baggy shirts down to their knees doesn’t mean you have to. This applies especially if you are overweight. Wear pants that fit. And do not attempt to hide your beer gut by falling into the un-tucked shirt abyss. It never works, except to make you look like a sloppy thug wannabe.
Stick with polo or full button shirts—something with a collar. Conversely, don’t overdress. Disregard the latest fashions and expensive brand name clothes. You’re not doing a Hollywood screen test. For instance, there’s no need to waste $150 on a pair of shoes or pants when a $20 pair will suffice.
Also, stay with colors you feel the most comfortable wearing. If you’re not sure, earth tones mixed with non-colors are usually a safe bet, but if you have a darker complexion you might want to avoid greens and browns and go with shades of blue and red to replace or accentuate non-colors.
And there’s no excuse for wearing wrinkled cloths. Invest in an iron.
(6) Are tattoos and piercings a bad thing?
If you’ve got no tattoos or piercings, count your blessings. If you have tattoos but they’re located where you can hide them, do so. Tattoos, especially the big and ornate varieties, or worse yet, homemade ones, will make you look like an ex-con or a biker. And rightly or wrongly, your outlandish tattoos may be construed as an anti-social statement of sorts.
The same rule applies to piercings. If you wear earrings or any other pierced jewelry, get rid of it all! Why limit your appeal to specific types of women?
(7) Do muscles really impress women?
Here’s the thing about muscles: Appearing physically fit may help you attract a wider range of women—but mega-muscles on display will not.
So, never emphasize your rippling pecs and biceps by walking around in tight clothes or sleeveless shirts! Most women will see right though that and they will classify you as immature and self-absorbed.
Remember: The idea is to attract the broadest and highest quality base of ladies possible; therefore, your appearance must be somewhat understated. And that, right there, will set you apart from the rest of the pack.
(8) What if I don’t have a car?
This may surprise you, but owning a vehicle isn’t usually essential unless you live in a semi-rural or suburban area. If you reside in a densely populated city, just finding a parking spot can be a real hassle. Public transportation is still cheaper and often more practical than absorbing the cost of car insurance, maintenance, and fuel.
Keep in mind: It’s all about getting women to approach you. And this eliminates any pressure for you to protract a financial status above your means.
If your income is so low that you can’t afford a car, don’t sweat it. Any woman you’ve attracted enough to pick you up will understand. She’s not looking to date your car. However, you should have a valid driver’s license, unless it’s been revoked—in which case, she will understand that as well.
If you do have a car, it won’t matter what kind it is. Even a rusted piece of junk will do—so long as it’s reliable and can pass inspection. For esthetic and safety purposes, make sure the interior is clean, the tires relatively new, and the windows are sparkling.
(9) What if I still live at home?
Are you thirty-years-old and still living with your parents? If so, that doesn’t necessarily make you a wimp or a mamma’s boy—unless you are one—in which case you’d be one no matter where you live. Maybe your parents are ailing and require your live-in and financial assistance.
In any case, that’s how you’ll answer when questioned by that voluptuous blond who just put the moves on you and wants to know more.
Sometimes borderline trickery is justified if it’s necessary for a greater good. After all, even if your parents don’t really need your continual care today, that can all suddenly change tomorrow, next week, or next year.
If you do have your own house or apartment, ask yourself this: Am I a neat-freak? Am I a hopeless slob?
Tip: Neat-freaks should break down and spread a few bread crumbs around the coffee table and floor, along with a couple of magazines and newspapers. You don’t want to advertize your fastidious compulsion to that gorgeous brunette you just invited in.
Conversely, if you’re a dyed-in-the-wool slob, don’t even think of bringing a woman to your place unless you’re willing to keep at least two rooms spotless—the bathroom and kitchen.
(10)What if I have a Disability?
If you have a disability, do not allow this to reduce your chances of getting women to pick you up! The reality is nearly everyone has some sort of disability—or they know someone who does.
Most physical handicaps can be disregarded or at least minimized. Of course, some cannot be. If you have a disability that’s visually obvious, do not despair—make it work for you. When that doe-eyed, leggy redhead becomes curious about what it is you have, briefly explain.
Be sure to openly answer any questions she may have about your disability, but don’t lament. Pass it off as a minor blip on the radar screen of life. She’ll admire your courage and candor.
(11)What about mental disabilities?
Unless it’s just a minor common phobia, such as social anxiety, mental disorders are generally more insidious than are physical disabilities; therefore they can’t be as readily brushed off. This is mainly due to misconceptions attached to a social stigma—which is fear of mental illness based on lack of knowledge.
But if you’re honest with yourself and your doctor about your condition, he or she will prescribe the right medications to keep you in the drivers’ seat.
Note: Do not self-medicate. And this leads to the next question.
(12)Can I still use recreational drugs?
Not if you want attractive and successful women to pick you up. Here’s the problem with recreational drugs: You won’t be able to regulate the dosage and effect for long. Your system will develop a tolerance to most mind altering substances—you’ll require higher doses to achieve the same effect.
This applies especially to prescription painkillers and street narcotics. Plus, you always run the risk of overdosing or getting robbed or arrested.
Remember: Substance abuse is a progressive form of mental illness that can rapidly expand into a full-fledged addiction—for which there is no cure.
If you think you might be an alcoholic or drug addict, you probably are one. In this case, you’ve got a real problem—unless you wise up right away. If you want out of that mess, call an addiction hotline and do exactly as they tell you.
(13)What if I’m married and I want to stray?
If you’re married and looking to cheat, keep this in mind: No matter how clever you think you are; no matter how naïve you think your wife is, sooner or later you will get caught—and when you do, things will get ugly.
If you’re prepared to face those consequences and you still want to stray, at least make sure the lady in question is also married. She’ll have just as much to lose as you do; therefore, she will be less inclined to blackmail you when the affair fizzles out.
But beware: Just because you’ve meticulously covered your tracks doesn’t mean she covered hers. A married woman’s carelessness might have you facing the wrath of her enraged (and possibly armed) husband.
In short, cheating can be a recipe for disaster, but if you only accept advances from married women, it will probably buy you more time before you do get caught. Let your own moral compass be your guide when it comes to straying.
(14)What do women really notice in a man?
You don’t have to be classically handsome in order to pique a woman’s initial interest. As a rule, females rely much more on audio imagery than visual imagery.
At the outset, women will focus on your movements and gestures, rather than your looks. It’s your smile, the sound of your voice (including speaking tempo), and how you interact with others that women will appraise you on first.
They’re looking for signs of creative expression, sensitivity, listening attentiveness, and humor—all of which stems from your body language.
Females are highly perceptive and they can, and usually do evaluate you in a matter of seconds—it’s all done subconsciously.
Women are especially interested in how you intermingle with other women. If they observe you chatting with another girl, their interest in you will definitely rise and they will want to be next on line.
Once you’ve passed these preliminary tests, ladies will move on to assessing your physical appearance.
Keep in mind that whenever you’re in a relaxed environment where women are present, they are absolutely checking you out! But you’ll almost never catch them in the act.
Most ladies are eying you only when you think they’re not. You’re either looking the other way or you’re absorbed in some activity. So don’t animate yourself in order to make an impression on them—it will backfire.
The Two Types of Men
Of course, there are countless types of men—and women. So, unless you have an identical twin, you’re very unlike everyone else. The intricacies of genetics, varying cultures, and individual life experiences all conspire to determine who we are.
But for the purpose of this guide, and in order to transfer psychobabble into layman’s terms, two common denominators were extracted from a broad spectrum of male characteristics. Based on this, you will decide the following: Are you a Boyish Man or a Manly Man?
To illustrate the difference, consider Clint Eastwood and Tom Hanks—or at least the characters they portrayed early in their careers. Clint Eastwood represents the archetypal manly man. Tom Hanks embodies the quintessential boyish man.
There is generally no dissimilarity in emotional maturity, complexity, or communicative capacity between these two types of men—the difference lays not so much within their core personality, but the manner in which these traits are projected onto others. And knowing this distinction will help you determine the extent of your potential to get women to pick you up.
Fundamentally, boyish men tend to appear rather verbal and gregarious, and they are highly adaptable to sudden environmental and social change. Boyish men can be impulsive and they tend to react overtly and spontaneously to external stimuli; they may laugh more often than manly men do and they have a greater tendency to giggle when they laugh. Boyish men usually speak louder and faster than manly men do.
Conversely, manly men often appear less outwardly forceful than boyish men—they tend to view the bigger picture of life, rather than live for the moment. A typical manly man rarely appears to be in a hurry. They walk and talk at a deliberate pace—almost meandering. Even a sudden emergency, such as a burst of gunshots, might not get a manly man to flinch or accelerate his pace.
This is not to say that manly men can’t be spontaneous, vibrant, conversational, and humorous. They are usually just as entertaining and persuasive as are boyish men, but their demeanor and humor tends to be drier and more subtle. And of course, boyish men can be just as masculine and serious as any manly man. They, too, can become the quiet leader or hero when called upon.
Although these two types of men have no real advantage over each other in terms of attracting women, manly men do have a huge edge when it comes to getting women to pick them up.
Here’s why: If you’re a boyish man, you tend to transmit your intentions and desires to women through spontaneous behavioral tendencies. Your unprompted actions or expressions often provide women with key information about yourself on a proverbial silver platter. And based on the information you present, women can quickly decide whether or not they want to learn more about you.
As a boyish man, your ability to openly display your emotions and intentions is a great attribute to have—if you’re looking to pick up women—but a probable deterrent when it comes to getting women to pick you up.
This is primarily because manly men possess a valuable X-factor that most boyish men lack: an ability to delay the speed in which women can evaluate them. That means women have to study manly men for longer periods of time. And the more time and effort ladies put in to watching you, the better your chances are of being approached.
Let’s examine how the X-factor works. Manly men are not generally prone to immediately unveiling their purpose or intent to women, thus they unwittingly intrigue them—and most ladies are fascinated by mysteries and puzzles. As such, they are likely to perceive a depth of character in manly men that they might not sense in boyish men. Whether or not it’s true doesn’t matter. The point is what’s good enough for them is good enough for you.
The typical manly man’s overall approach to his surroundings is usually not aligned with the general status quo; they’re difficult to pin down or to figure out because they operate against the grain. Consequently, women often view them as less accessible than boyish men are; therein lays the potential groundwork for lingering desirability, or the Forbidden Fruit Syndrome, if you will. Manly men are more likely than boyish men to pose a direct challenge to women—an illicit and mysterious package interspersed with an element of danger to be carefully unwrapped.
In a nutshell, if you’re a distinctive manly man, your take-it-or-leave-it attitude will invariably lead many women to take it. And if the attraction is powerful enough, these women will abandon their pretences and throw themselves—and their intentions right at you!
However, be aware that the above comparisons between boyish men and manly men serve only to illustrate their most obvious behavioral differences. Chances are your makeup merges elements of both traits. It’s up to you to ascertain which characteristics are more dominant within your personality.
Now the question is: Where are these women? They’re everywhere, of course, but you’ll still need to put yourself an ideal environment to be noticed—and approached. Here’s a top-ten list of the worst and best places to be picked up by women:
The Ten Worst Places:
Office waiting rooms
Concerts and boisterous sporting events
Airports, train stations, and bus terminals
What do these locations have in common? They are either extremely noisy or eerily silent, but more importantly, these places are generally packed with preoccupied or weary people—not conducive for getting women to pick you up.
The Ten Best Places:
Children’s playgrounds (But you had better have a kid with you!)
Social functions (Especially church functions)
Parks where women walk their dogs (Have your dog with you)
Smoking and break areas outside of stores or public buildings (Even if you don’t smoke)
Wedding receptions, festivals, theme parties
Upscale hotel lounges
While visiting foreign Countries (You’ll definitely stand out)
These prime locations offer relaxed and socially friendly settings where women won’t be too harried or fatigued to notice you.
If you’re wondering why Your Job and The Internet made both lists, here’s the answer. In a male dominated occupation, such as on a construction crew or in a sheet-metal warehouse, what are your chances of attracting women? Slim to none, in all probability.
But if your career calls for lots of travel, or it places you in a large office building where there’s a high woman-to-man ratio, then your job might be ideal for getting women to pick you up. Remember though: Office romances are exposed quickly and once they make the water-cooler rumor-mill, hearsay will spread like wildfire.
So, if you do accept advances from that raven-haired beauty from bookkeeping, be prepared to deal with gossip about it, both true and false. And be ready to face an awkward situation when your affair ends. You’ll still have to work with her.
The internet is also the worst and best place to get women to pick you up. The problem with internet chat-rooms, personal ads, and social clubs, is that due to the impersonal nature of internet communication, many people lie. They might lie about their marital status. Women may mislead you by displaying very dated profile pictures. Or worse yet, they might post photos of “themselves” that are really of other woman—often scantily clad models.
On the other hand, if you’re a polished writer, the internet can be a great medium in which to get quality women to pick you up! Note: If you intend to try your luck with personal ads, never respond to posted ads. Write your own ad instead. But keep in mind: You’ll need to be both literate and very creative. Otherwise, expect illiterate responses—if any at all.
A Word about Bars:
Many guides about How to Pick up Women highlight nightclubs or neighborhood gin-joints as potential gold mines, chock-full of lovely ladies just ripe for the picking. But with the exception of low-key hotel lounges, it’s a myth.
Consider this: In bars you’re competing with large numbers of alcohol-fueled, testosterone-laden men for the attentions of a few women. Drunken arguments and even bar fights over a glance or an innocent gesture are common place. Is it worth it? If you’re dealing with all of that while trying to pick up women in bars, imagine how much harder is to get women to pick you up under those conditions!
Tip: If you do notice an attractive gal eying you in a bar from a distance, wave hello to her and move on. If she’s within earshot, say hi and leave it at that—until she strikes up a conversation.
Getting Phone Numbers:
When a woman gives you her phone number, give her yours. But remember: You’ll probably be too late if you wait until tomorrow or the next day to call her up. So, unless you intend to call her that very night, you may want to think twice before dialing the phone, no matter how alluring she appears. You don’t know how many other men she gave her number out to. As such, you’re risking a very brief and embarrassing phone conversation if she doesn’t remember who you are. If she’s really interested in you, she’ll call you.
The Power of Dance:
Never underestimate the power of dance. No form of self-expression attracts women more than dancing! If you don’t know how to dance, don’t let it stop you from hitting the floor. When that pulsating beat of techno or disco music permeates the room, get up and move! Fast music makes for great solo dancing opportunities.
If the idea of dancing in front of people is too terrifying for you to fathom, at least consider this fact before shrinking away: There are almost always more ladies than guys on any given dance-floor. In fact, as much as a five-to-one ratio or greater is not uncommon!
Many guys shun dancing because they consider it, well, unmanly. But because women are powered by estrogen, they’re not handicapped by a macho sense of self-image. This is why most ladies are not self-conscious about dancing as a form of creative expression.
The best part about solo dancing is: You can be in your own little world—you don’t even have to look at a girl while you’re swaying to the melody. Even if you’ve got two left feet, there’s no pressure for you to keep up with anyone. Nobody out there will care how good you are. It’s not a contest, and the only people checking you out will be women—which is exactly what you want! If you’re dancing, expect to be approached by women—quite possibly within minutes.
Remember: everybody has rhythm, so even if you’ve never danced in your life, within ten minutes-or-so, your natural rhythm will find itself and you’ll quickly become more fluid and relaxed. You can also boost your self-confidence by practicing at home in front of a mirror. Watch dance videos and learn some moves.
The Importance of Patience:
Once you start applying your newly learned skills in the field, don’t expect immediate results. Think of yourself as a hunter who is deliberately putting himself in position to be hunted. Although getting sophisticated women to pick you up doesn’t require action, it will call for time and patience.
So even if you’re the greatest looking guy alive, with personality to match, it doesn’t mean ladies will run up to you, tossing phone numbers around like confetti. You may have to visit the same sites periodically for weeks—even months, before you get a nibble. Keep in mind: You’re playing the law of averages, and sooner or later, ladies will approach you.
On the other hand, a woman might approach you today—or at anytime and anywhere—quite possibly while you’re at one of the worst places to be picked up by women! She can suddenly descend upon you when you’re least prepared. And, as Murphy’s Law would have it, you will look or feel at your absolute worst—and of course, she’ll be astonishingly beautiful!
Usually, such chance encounters offer only a short life-span, so if you don’t react quickly (and you probably won’t), the opportunity will be lost. But don’t dwell on the one’s who got away. Instead, look at it this way: If one beautiful woman thought enough of you to come out of nowhere and make advances, just think of how many others will approach you under more suitable conditions!
The Good Samaritan:
Never turn down an opportunity to play Good Samaritan. Anything from picking up a dropped package of frozen peas for a lady in the supermarket—all the way to pulling somebody out from a burning car wreck—can put you on the path to attractive women. But don’t limit your assistance only to females. Help anyone in need: old and young, male and female. After all, they might have sisters, daughters, aunts, or nieces.
Put yourself in optimum environments and cast your net wide! No one but yourself has to know your principal motive for helping those in need. And women will never reject you for being a Good Samaritan.
The Truth Will Set You Free:
Many guys, in their desperation to pick up women, have a tendency to tell outrageous tales about themselves. And eventually their lies come back to haunt them. But by allowing women to pick you up, the temptation (and motive) to embellish facts about who you are is greatly reduced. This is because you’re under no pressure to sell yourself, at least not verbally.
All you’re really doing is putting yourself out there in order to pique a woman’s curiosity enough to where she’ll approach you. And that places her in the unique position of having to sell herself to you! Therefore, you only need to listen to her and answer any questions she may have.
Naturally, at some point you’ll probably want to ask her a few questions about herself. And chances are she will be sincere. So don’t ruin it by fabricating or embellishing facts about yourself, no matter how high or low you are on the occupational or social totem pole. Quality women are attracted to who you are, not what you have or what you do for a living.
Remember this truth above all else: The mere fact that a woman came up to you is all that’s required to convince her into taking things to the next level. It’s that simple!
A Final Word about This Guide:
This manual has been condensed from a yet to be published, full-length book. Due to space constraints, many details could not be included. Nevertheless, the author hopes you’ve gained some valuable insight about How to Get Women to Pick You Up!
If you require more information about any points in this guide, or if you have any questions whatsoever, please feel free to ask in the comment section. The author will respond as quickly and accurately as possible.
In the meantime, happy hunting! Or to put it more accurately: Happy hunted!
Originally posted 2005-03-08 14:09:11.