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Kung Fu & Relationships: Dating Lessons From Bruce Lee

In his book The Tao of Jeet Kune Do, Bruce Lee speaks of six “diseases” that hinder progress and make success elusive. Turns out, these issues are relevant to dating, as they parallel what men go through when trying to attract a woman.

DISEASE #1) “The desire for victory.”

In martial arts, this is a disease because the need for victory puts combatants in a dangerous head space. They’ll often try to achieve victory by any means, causing them to be reckless and make mistakes.

In dating, you see the same sort of desire manifest itself in the form of desperation. The desire for the woman is so strong that it overpowers our normal sense of things. She becomes an object of desire, and stops being seen as a human being.

When this happens, women can SENSE it. Their alarm bells will go off, because they can tell you’re not interested in who they really are – you’re just looking to use them, be it physically or emotionally.

This is not to say you shouldn’t WANT victory, but you must understand that achieving your goals is a process, and you must learn to be patient and give yourself the freedom to retreat if need be. Focus on the journey, not the end result.

DISEASE #2) “The desire to resort to technical cunning.”

In the martial arts, relying on technique forces you into a ridgid structure of fighting that becomes predictable to your opponant. Bruce Lee was a firm believer that you needed to customize your fight based on who you were fighting – in other words, you remained flexible, fluid, and able to adapt.

Too often, guys think that using a “pick up line” or doing what they see on TV or the movies will get them a result. They fall into patterns of doing the same things to attract women – ask for the number, dinner and a movie, etc.

What you need to realize is that every girl is different! And you need to customize your approach to the girl you want to be with. This is the only way to achieve success time and time again with women.

DISEASE #3) “The desire to display all that has been learned.”

In the martial arts, Bruce Lee believed that you should only do what is required of you to defeat your opponant. Giving yourself the opportunity to showboat gave the enemy openings he could use to harm you. Instead of giving into your ego, you must remained focused on achieving your desired outcome.

In the dating world, guys will try their best boast about how great they are in an effort to win the girl’s affections – so much so, that they’ll try and be something they’re not.

They’ll brag about their accomplishments, lie about what they do or what they’ve done, and act like they’re interested in the same things the girl is.

But eventually, this is revealed for what it is – a falsehood. Girl’s don’t want to hear you brag, and they don’t like it when you lie to them. It is better to engage in conversation, and ask about her, rather than dominate the conversation talking about yourself.

And it is much better to be truthful about your likes and dislikes, because that is the only way to guage whether or not you are truly compatible with the girl.

DISEASE #4) “The desire to awe the enemy.”

Bruce Lee understood his opponents on the basic level, as people to be defeated. He could did NOT want to impress them or try blustery shows of bravado to impress them. In fact, he much preferred that they underestimate him.

Some guys have the idea that dating is all about impressing the woman by buying her gifts and wonderful meals. They are trying to buy her love, so to speak.

They’ll drive around in fancy cars, show off their big home or nice apartment, and talk about whisking her away on lavish vacations.

The danger here is that if you convince the girl you’re just a walking ATM machine, that’s how she’ll eventually end up treating you. What really impresses women are little things – being interested in their day, being confident and funny, inspiring them with hopes and dreams.

Relax and allow the girl you’re with to discover your natural charm. That will impress her more than anything.

DISEASE #5) “The desire to play the passive role.”

In the martial arts, to be passive to to simply react to your opponant. You’re always on defense, afraid to initiate an offence for fear of opening yourself up and being defeated.

Dating is much the same way. Guys will all too often sit around, hoping the girl will ask THEM out. They’ll talk to a girl, but not go for a phone number. They’ll meet for a date, but hardly talk at all.

In short – they are relying on the girl to do all the work! And unfortunately, that just isn’t going to happen.

You need to learn to take an active role with the women you desire. You must be the one to approach THEM, ask THEM out for coffee, choose the place to go, keep the conversation going, etc.

It is YOUR responsibility to get the woman to like you. Attraction doesn’t just “happen,” it must be created, and you cannot create attraction by being passive.

DISEASE #6) “The desire to get rid of whatever disease one is affected by.”

This one is the toughest to understand, in that Zen koan sort of way. I think what is meant by this is that to succeed, you can’t be constantly wrestling with your weaknesses. You can’t let go when you’re trying to get rid of them.

You must simply dilute them with the power of your strengths. I think that a big part of this thinking is that if I focus too much on overcoming my weaknesses, I succumb to them – or what you resist, will always persist.

Take that with a grain of common sense. Desire is a part of human nature. But in the end. you will only be as successful to the degree that you LET GO, not focus on the things that ail you.

You may feel like you’re too old, ugly, bald, short, fat, or poor to attract a woman. But focusing on this is not how you fix it! You turn things around by focusing on why women WOULD be attracted to you, instead of why they wouldn’t be.

If you can can focus on your positive strengths, instead of insecurities and weaknesses, you will grow emotionally, and the results will be tangible. You’ll see more success, not only in the bedroom, but in all areas of your life.

pick up lines ego

Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Originally posted 2004-04-12 08:03:26.

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